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Thursday 21 March 2013

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Today, I found out that my recurring acne is actually bedbug bites. I have wasted about a hundred dollars on acne cream. FML

by thisentiretime... / 03/18/2013 at 4:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

by missedfistbump / 03/20/2013 at 10:31am / United States / Work

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

by lanz4949 / 03/19/2013 at 12:40am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2013 at 9:19pm / France (Lorraine) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

by Soph / 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming "Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML

by franky / 03/25/2013 at 5:45pm / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Love

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

by esbemebe1113 / 03/27/2013 at 5:12pm / United States (Georgia) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

by seriously! / 03/19/2013 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

by anon / 03/27/2013 at 7:17pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

by anonymous / 03/20/2013 at 1:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out "well fuck you too". Very awkward silence. FML

by Kjer / 03/23/2013 at 8:38pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous