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Sunday 10 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

#20540360
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (8927)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

#20541928
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36520) - you deserved it (3628)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

#20533106
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24752) - you deserved it (7647)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

#20534670
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40306) - you deserved it (2582)

On 03/07/2013 at 1:12pm - work - by arknvl (man) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

#20536740
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37880) - you deserved it (2651)

On 03/09/2013 at 7:04am - money - by whaaaaat111 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

#20540639
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33354) - you deserved it (2973)

On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

#20546879
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33240) - you deserved it (2925)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:08pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML

#20532315
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34530) - you deserved it (2296)

On 03/05/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by sotired - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32930) - you deserved it (3515)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

#20541999
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16997) - you deserved it (42277)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:14pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

#20546016
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36246) - you deserved it (7427)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

#20536189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30408) - you deserved it (3897)

On 03/08/2013 at 7:38pm - misc - by fuck you, gran (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

#20547323
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33918) - you deserved it (3000)

On 03/17/2013 at 6:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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