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Monday 25 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36979) - you deserved it (12404)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML

#20526818
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32772) - you deserved it (2394)

On 03/01/2013 at 10:52am - work - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

#20528844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25679) - you deserved it (2743)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (4309)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

#20530955
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15929) - you deserved it (26223)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML

#20525434
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29588) - you deserved it (2204)

On 02/28/2013 at 6:57am - misc - by she sure has an arm. - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML

#20530703
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32263) - you deserved it (6917)

On 03/04/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

#20531284
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23310) - you deserved it (16710)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by seriously (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31207) - you deserved it (3457)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd tried to keep it secret from everyone at work, so they wouldn't tell my boss, as I can't afford to get on his bad side yet. My mom posted on my Facebook wall, wishing me luck. I'm Facebook friends with most of my colleagues. FML

#20525834
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (10345)

On 02/28/2013 at 4:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

#20524817
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27977) - you deserved it (3473)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:42pm - misc - by forgotten - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML

#20522100
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25836) - you deserved it (2214)

On 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm - misc - by sniperkit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

#20525408
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31085) - you deserved it (2684)

On 02/28/2013 at 5:56am - misc - by sickofthesmelltoo (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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