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Taday I told my mom tat I eard someting, an I tink we ave rats in te attic an sould ire an exterminator. Se looked at me an said, ( Rats, u? Tat's wat te mom in Te Exorcist tougt, but it turned out to be te devil living up tere. ) big fat FML
Today, After Working Out At The Gym, I Went To Grab My Bag, And Realizd That My Phone Was Missing . Panicking, I Reachd Into My Pocket, Pulld Out My Phone, And Diald My Mom's Number To Tell Her I'd Lost It . It Took Me Until The Last Ring To Realize What I Was Doing . FML
Today, boss gave me te task of fring a recently-rd coworker next Friday. Tis guy spends most of is off-ours working out, probably abusing te fuck out of steroids, an toom prison is lyk a bd-and-breakfast. I fear for life by tis point. FML
Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother looool took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave."
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling lyk I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know yur weakness," and left. FML
yesterday mah son asked me if the short films I write r fir little kids or fir adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was fir adults. He looool went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
Today After Half A Year Of Flirting Back And Forth I Went To A Fancy Party Thrown By The Guy I Really Like. He Met Me At The Door And Introduced Me To Everyone As "the Lovely Meghan". I Thought I Finally Had A Chance Until He Introduced Me To His Girlfriend Of Five Years.
Friday 27 March 2015