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Sunday 17 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

#20513075
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19143) - you deserved it (53983)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

#20518411
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39308) - you deserved it (6468)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

#20503049
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32299) - you deserved it (7029)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

#20503655
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30723) - you deserved it (3174)

On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

#20518187
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30193) - you deserved it (4815) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm - misc - by hé merde - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14390) - you deserved it (34032)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

#20515797
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12380) - you deserved it (40255)

On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

#20516729
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11519) - you deserved it (48476) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42469) - you deserved it (9988)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28511) - you deserved it (11847)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

#20507998
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24510) - you deserved it (15570)

On 02/15/2013 at 8:57am - health - by PurpleSloth (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

#20517777
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32080) - you deserved it (11375)

On 02/22/2013 at 5:32pm - kids - by Great. (woman) - Brazil (Minas Gerais)



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