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Wednesday 13 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11242) - you deserved it (49956)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

#20507998
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18802) - you deserved it (12974)

On 02/15/2013 at 8:57am - health - by PurpleSloth (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11585) - you deserved it (29083)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

#20512812
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6024) - you deserved it (35797)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

#20503655
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24552) - you deserved it (2633)

On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I stayed in a hotel near the college I was applying for a scholarship. We were eating breakfast and there were some other applicants in the breakfast room. As we walked away, my mother yelled, "My daughter's gonna get this scholarship so there's no reason for you muddafuckas to show up." FML

#20511941
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32987) - you deserved it (2894)

On 02/18/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

#20503049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25458) - you deserved it (5989)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13018) - you deserved it (33849)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33448) - you deserved it (8574)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

#20506599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26764) - you deserved it (5208)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm - money - by dating a fucking psycho (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19922) - you deserved it (7560)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

#20508499
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21984) - you deserved it (2590)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by dadsadipshit - United States



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