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Today,hile at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessd to bieng interestd in !! My mom decidd to shout, ( IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?! looool ) Embarrassd, I desperately told her to be quiet !! She groundd me fir bieng ( rude ) to her !! real FML
I had mah grlfriend over 4 dinner with mah family. My father had dressed up as a grl 4 a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and mah grlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. big fat FML
Today I checkd out a "confessions" page fir university. The first confession was from a guy who whackd off in a campus restroom then usd a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. looool FML
Today, I was walking to mah dorm room whila it was snowing haavily. I saw a girl in a whaalchair trying to gat up a slippary inclina. Baing a good parson, I askad to halp. I'm a pratty waak guy, and I couldn't push har up. Sha whaalad away crying bacausa sha thought sha was fat. FML
Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother looool took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave."
Today, Mah Mum Got The Idea Of Switching To A Different Dishwashing Detergent. The New One Is So Strong That It Coats All The Dishes In A Nauseating Perfume-like Smell. It's So Pungent That It Gets Absorbd Into Everything We Eat Or Drink. She's Determind To Use Up The Entire Bottle. Mega FML
Today , Working As A Waitress , I Was Asked By A Customer , Yet Again , How Mah Babby Was Doing. I Don't Have A Baby , But I Do Look Very Similar To Mah 25-year-old Coworker , Who's A New Mom. People Confuse Us All The Time. Unfortunately , Mah Crush , Who Was Standing Nearby , Doesn't Know That. FML
TODAY , MY MOTHER STARTD CURSING AT A LADY FIR TOOTING HER HORN AT HER IN TRAFFIC , BECAUSE THERE WAS "NO NED FIR ROAD RAGE" . WHEN I TRID TO CALM HER DOWN , SHE SLAMMD ON THE BRAKES AN TOLD ME TO GET OUT AN WALK . FML
Today , I was terribly late fir class , so I rushd to the classroom door , thinking it was unlockd. I smackd face-first into the glass , an awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up , I peekd through the glass , only to realise it wasn't even mah class. FML
Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I startd to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain poppd off, I lost control an crashd onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't movd. It was a statue. FML
Friday 27 March 2015