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Monday 11 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

#20506184
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10516) - you deserved it (39522)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

#20511194
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34663) - you deserved it (2144)

On 02/17/2013 at 7:24pm - misc - by DontGetSlapped - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

#20506765
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35446) - you deserved it (2226)

On 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

#20512675
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25416) - you deserved it (5769)

On 02/18/2013 at 8:49pm - work - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39790) - you deserved it (8025)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38736) - you deserved it (9285)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (3907)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

#20506625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28300) - you deserved it (3338)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

#20502338
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30288) - you deserved it (7336)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm - love - by sofuckingembarassing. (woman) - United States

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

#20510821
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35417) - you deserved it (5376)

On 02/17/2013 at 2:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Botswana (North-East)

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

#20504918
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10749) - you deserved it (25183)

On 02/13/2013 at 11:45am - misc - by oh my dad - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

#20508531
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26724) - you deserved it (4644)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)



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