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Sunday 10 February 2013

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Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

by perfect / 02/04/2013 at 3:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

by swarm20 / 02/05/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2013 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccups 5 times so far. FML

by IHeartBlueJay / 02/08/2013 at 12:31am / United States / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

by Nico / 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm / Work

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

by Target / 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

by Thai rice mistake / 02/12/2013 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML

by Lesser / 02/17/2013 at 3:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

by Meaghan / 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

by Turdfoot / 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm / United States (Texas) / Animals