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Friday 8 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

#20499722
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31644) - you deserved it (4386)

On 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

#20505216
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41696) - you deserved it (3186)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by okay then (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

#20495499
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44884) - you deserved it (4141)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:38am - love - by PokeWife (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31130) - you deserved it (2440)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

#20496769
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42003) - you deserved it (2592)

On 02/07/2013 at 4:51am - misc - by fviz (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32441) - you deserved it (4528)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41692) - you deserved it (12381)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13273) - you deserved it (54771)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

#20496974
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10382) - you deserved it (44096)

On 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm - misc - by loquacious shit stain (woman) - Australia

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

#20503604
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34765) - you deserved it (3415)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm - misc - by Meaghan (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

#20503942
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33668) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/12/2013 at 6:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

#20507998
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23164) - you deserved it (15074)

On 02/15/2013 at 8:57am - health - by PurpleSloth (woman) - United States (California)



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