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Saturday 26 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

#20490582
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47938) - you deserved it (3311)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

#20473123
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9089) - you deserved it (41680)

On 01/22/2013 at 2:18pm - misc - by Whoops (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32598) - you deserved it (8889)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38333) - you deserved it (2159)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25026) - you deserved it (36263)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38144) - you deserved it (8951)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32082) - you deserved it (4552) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

#20472701
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30843) - you deserved it (11826)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

#20490556
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38249) - you deserved it (4958)

On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

#20476021
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33428) - you deserved it (2669)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by HereWeGoAgain (woman) - United States

Today, I had to suffer through a two-hour long trivia game with my boyfriend's family. As if that wasn't annoying enough, my boyfriend caused the pair of us to lose by just a single point, because he answered "Quebec" to the question of "What is the capital city of France?" FML

#20480093
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28301) - you deserved it (6518)

On 01/26/2013 at 5:57pm - misc - by twohoursclosertodeath (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36856) - you deserved it (2410)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23732) - you deserved it (8060)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom



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