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Friday 25 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33223) - you deserved it (3864)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

#20488361
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28479) - you deserved it (2188)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:06pm - work - by stupidapperently (woman) - United States

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24684) - you deserved it (1933)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

#20472109
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28095) - you deserved it (5868)

On 01/21/2013 at 9:41pm - health - by ouch (woman) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

#20483262
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32946) - you deserved it (2652)

On 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by weddingsalwayssuck - United States (New York)

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

#20478247
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35414) - you deserved it (3868)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

#20484952
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31106) - you deserved it (6573)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

#20480168
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48816) - you deserved it (5037)

On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29212) - you deserved it (3234)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

#20472626
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10409) - you deserved it (37255)

On 01/22/2013 at 1:50am - love - by Roxy19 - United States (California)

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

#20477568
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31746) - you deserved it (2602)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:30am - health - by asthmattack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

#20479072
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33824) - you deserved it (3256)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:53am - animals - by Ear Invasion - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

#20480052
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31937) - you deserved it (3435)

On 01/26/2013 at 5:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)



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