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Sunday 20 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

#20478247
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35409) - you deserved it (3868)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29029) - you deserved it (14864)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML

#20467403
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33758) - you deserved it (7000)

On 01/19/2013 at 2:40am - animals - by damnthedog (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

#20480168
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48345) - you deserved it (4980)

On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29203) - you deserved it (3234)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34103) - you deserved it (3001)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (2342)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

#20472626
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10408) - you deserved it (37255)

On 01/22/2013 at 1:50am - love - by Roxy19 - United States (California)

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

#20477568
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31746) - you deserved it (2602)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:30am - health - by asthmattack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

#20479072
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33796) - you deserved it (3256)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:53am - animals - by Ear Invasion - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

#20480052
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31935) - you deserved it (3435)

On 01/26/2013 at 5:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

#20476560
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10192) - you deserved it (36731)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:53pm - misc - by idiot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

#20481856
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25588) - you deserved it (2009)

On 01/27/2013 at 8:08pm - health - by ihatemylife - United States (Illinois)



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