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Thursday 17 January 2013

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Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

by nkotz / 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm / United States / Love

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

by Shuttie / 01/18/2013 at 7:55am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Love

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

by Brooke / 01/15/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

by TheOtherWoman / 01/18/2013 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Love

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

by megean c.l. / 01/20/2013 at 4:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML

by normal / 01/21/2013 at 3:24pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting inside the shelter at the bus stop when a lady came up to me and asked if I would mind if she peed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2013 at 2:17am / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

by living_thedream / 01/14/2013 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

by Beva / 01/17/2013 at 12:03am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Work

Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

by What? / 01/22/2013 at 2:00pm / Australia / Animals

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

by sorrygranny / 01/21/2013 at 11:11am / United States / Money

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Hawaii) / Health

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

by dpap / 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm / United States (Iowa) / Love