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Thursday 17 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

#20465650
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32060) - you deserved it (2695)

On 01/18/2013 at 12:53am - money - by Anon - United States (Texas)

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16352) - you deserved it (34737)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28593) - you deserved it (14743)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML

#20467403
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33755) - you deserved it (6998)

On 01/19/2013 at 2:40am - animals - by damnthedog (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34103) - you deserved it (3001)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34769) - you deserved it (2341)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

#20472626
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10408) - you deserved it (37254)

On 01/22/2013 at 1:50am - love - by Roxy19 - United States (California)

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML

#20476560
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10192) - you deserved it (36731)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:53pm - misc - by idiot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

#20458971
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38387) - you deserved it (6997)

On 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by nkotz - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

#20459473
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31069) - you deserved it (3216)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35453) - you deserved it (3212)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

#20469761
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30193) - you deserved it (7517)

On 01/20/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by megean c.l. (woman) - United States



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