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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34144) - you deserved it (8990)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34575) - you deserved it (2326)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

#20463186
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32077) - you deserved it (1875)

On 01/16/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by itsjustwill - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35435) - you deserved it (2396)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

#20458971
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38155) - you deserved it (6976)

On 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by nkotz - United States

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

#20456501
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29588) - you deserved it (11662)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

#20447616
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28611) - you deserved it (6108)

On 01/08/2013 at 5:40am - animals - by Coldandshoeless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

#20465650
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30528) - you deserved it (2576)

On 01/18/2013 at 12:53am - money - by Anon - United States (Texas)

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28579) - you deserved it (14736)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

#20450090
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29131) - you deserved it (2483)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm - misc - by Darkandcold - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

#20452848
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45874) - you deserved it (2664)

On 01/10/2013 at 11:06pm - love - by good job bf (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

#20445898
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24496) - you deserved it (1989)

On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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