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Tuesday 8 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45218) - you deserved it (7625)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

#20450098
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10832) - you deserved it (61988)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

#20458802
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35730) - you deserved it (3433)

On 01/14/2013 at 10:47am - misc - by badenoughflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31824) - you deserved it (4920)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

#20446490
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12671) - you deserved it (36014)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by james88 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34340) - you deserved it (9311)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

#20450521
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41356) - you deserved it (6109)

On 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm - love - by GDBeast (man) - United States

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21189) - you deserved it (42441)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

#20461046
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46236) - you deserved it (7485)

On 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by itsrathersmall (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38127) - you deserved it (7428)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

#20448085
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60151) - you deserved it (4526)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36305) - you deserved it (6480)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

#20449927
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13095) - you deserved it (31719)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by drake86 - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)



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