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Tuesday 8 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized I'm so lonely that I get comfort from hearing my neighbor snore through my apartment wall. FML

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29663) - you deserved it (9244)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31359) - you deserved it (2790)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37574) - you deserved it (2623)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

#20456813
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30174) - you deserved it (4621)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37961) - you deserved it (4782)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41158) - you deserved it (7959)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

#20453156
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27868) - you deserved it (7542)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49298) - you deserved it (4755)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

#20450824
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16115) - you deserved it (30110)

On 01/09/2013 at 9:37pm - love - by niki (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35733) - you deserved it (5167)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

#20451303
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32259) - you deserved it (2613)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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