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Monday 7 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35719) - you deserved it (5167)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

#20451303
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32248) - you deserved it (2613)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32388) - you deserved it (8764)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29597) - you deserved it (7808)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

#20447919
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30516) - you deserved it (4317)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33810) - you deserved it (2293)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

#20458971
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35503) - you deserved it (6701)

On 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by nkotz - United States

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23511) - you deserved it (3042)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

#20456501
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27494) - you deserved it (11073)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15873) - you deserved it (31993)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

#20447616
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26283) - you deserved it (5829)

On 01/08/2013 at 5:40am - animals - by Coldandshoeless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

#20445898
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23150) - you deserved it (1890)

On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

#20447722
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (3492)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:31am - love - by movingbuddy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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