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Monday 7 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37921) - you deserved it (3055)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

#20450908
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38676) - you deserved it (3192)

On 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm - love - by wtf dad - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36605) - you deserved it (5071)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I was making wedding plans with my fiancé. His mother kept complaining about everything, and insisted it was pointless to plan because it's just our "first marriage." She then tried to convince him to dump me and move back in with her because "she's all he'll ever need." FML

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32978) - you deserved it (6471)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

#20451178
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43147) - you deserved it (5784)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Amy (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

#20458655
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50420) - you deserved it (6031)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:56am - love - by shiney100893 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45066) - you deserved it (2570)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

#20454623
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23360) - you deserved it (38488)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nean83 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37821) - you deserved it (3980)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17961) - you deserved it (34931)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31804) - you deserved it (7747)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

#20450136
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31764) - you deserved it (7544)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:57pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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