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Saturday 5 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (41658)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

#20437963
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31146) - you deserved it (9791)

On 01/02/2013 at 2:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

#20448085
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59175) - you deserved it (4460)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40053) - you deserved it (4216)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36872) - you deserved it (4031)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

#20444550
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (7076)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:17am - misc - by kiken.bara - United States

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44212) - you deserved it (6194)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

#20449927
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12519) - you deserved it (30846)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by drake86 - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML

#20444730
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27921) - you deserved it (3551)

On 01/06/2013 at 8:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31040) - you deserved it (4854)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48221) - you deserved it (6321)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML

#20453732
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34152) - you deserved it (7413)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:37pm - love - by wowthanks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a fight with my boyfriend over a girl he is close to. He later arrived with flowers for what I thought was an apology. He was actually breaking up with me; the flowers were for her, he just didn't want to leave them in the car. FML

#20442364
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28433) - you deserved it (6970)

On 01/04/2013 at 9:08am - love - by damn (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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