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Yesterday, I went to a concert with mah grlfriend . Some guy grabbd her ass, an I trid to fight him . I endd up with a concussion an a messd up jaw . Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious . FML
Today I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away an on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML
Taday when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door . I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child , and I can't bring myself to walk past it . It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside . I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving .
TODAY, I WAS CLEANING ONE OF MAH DISABLED CLIENTS BECAUSE HE POOPED HIMSELF, SO I STARTED TO UNDRESS HIM FIR A SHOWER. I TOOK HIS DIRTY DIAPER OFF AND SET IT ON HIS BED, THEN I BENT OVER TO TAKE OFF HIS SOCKS AT WHICH POINT HE PUT THE DIAPER ON MAH HEAD LYK A HAT. FML
Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML
Today after giving my mother an my girlfriend there Christma presents I realizd just how similar they lookd both in box size an wrapping paper . I looool noticd after my mother gaspd upon finding a vibrator in her box . FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant!! My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddie drag his nearly-comatose carcas back home from a strip club!! FML
yesterday my boyfriend proposd to me with the prettiest... most simple ring I have ever seen. I calld my sister to tell her the good news... and her response was... ( I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's. ) FML
Taday after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up mah portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell mah parents, only for mah brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into mah face. I now have a huge gash over mah cheek and nose. FML
2day I found out that I was pragnant an sant a pictura of tha positiva tast to mah boyfriand. Bafora I got a taxt back from him, I got his nawly updatd Facabook status that raad "This has got to ba tha most daprassing day of mah lifa." raal FML
Friday 27 March 2015