Friday 28 December 2012 
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Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11358) - you deserved it (24374)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19721) - you deserved it (1730)
On 12/27/2012 at 5:54pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia
Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32013) - you deserved it (6004)
On 12/28/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Alone - United States
Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20843) - you deserved it (2576)
On 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by killme (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20122) - you deserved it (2116)
On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)
Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32499) - you deserved it (5362)
On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26399) - you deserved it (1692)
On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9350) - you deserved it (35031)
On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23086) - you deserved it (1724)
On 12/24/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31417) - you deserved it (1806)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31232) - you deserved it (3529)
On 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)
Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (6074)
On 12/30/2012 at 10:51pm - work - by BAMN2187 - United States
Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37974) - you deserved it (2046)
On 01/01/2013 at 2:50am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 20 May 2013
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