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Sunday 23 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you deserved it (14283)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML

#20430536
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28327) - you deserved it (7070)

On 12/29/2012 at 6:54pm - love - by single once again (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

#20409320
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42583) - you deserved it (11409)

On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

#20419133
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33545) - you deserved it (3438)

On 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Chanman1924 - United States

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

#20423578
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50392) - you deserved it (4750)

On 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

#20431454
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21287) - you deserved it (41411)

On 12/30/2012 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

#20407951
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42223) - you deserved it (2768)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm - misc - by SugarMyBalls (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

#20405418
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30196) - you deserved it (8613)

On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

#20430472
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17371) - you deserved it (33102)

On 12/29/2012 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

#20429423
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44609) - you deserved it (2838)

On 12/29/2012 at 3:25am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

#20418722
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39458) - you deserved it (12914)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by selfishsexysanta (woman) - United States

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

#20429501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37194) - you deserved it (4085)

On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)



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