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Sunday 23 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

#20416192
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40584) - you deserved it (11865)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

#20432015
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10141) - you deserved it (34431)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10723) - you deserved it (73811)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

#20432536
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39544) - you deserved it (3528)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

#20411951
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (5526)

On 12/21/2012 at 5:41pm - health - by fucking fuck it fucking hurts (woman) - United States

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

#20416717
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35594) - you deserved it (5584)

On 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm - kids - by still had to pay (man) - Australia

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

#20414355
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35037) - you deserved it (5537)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:29pm - kids - by Jane (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

#20423697
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50326) - you deserved it (3525)

On 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by gaggin - United States (California)

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

#20403784
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35952) - you deserved it (3456)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

#20408586
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35463) - you deserved it (8482)

On 12/20/2012 at 6:19am - misc - by doblex (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

#20415295
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35945) - you deserved it (5079)

On 12/23/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by oh my son - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML

#20430536
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28059) - you deserved it (7037)

On 12/29/2012 at 6:54pm - love - by single once again (woman) - United Kingdom (Havering)



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