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Thursday 20 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11394) - you deserved it (24435)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dads favourite position. FML

#20413212
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9338) - you deserved it (49979)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

#20413213
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29835) - you deserved it (3027)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by divingconfidence (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

#20426337
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19761) - you deserved it (1732)

On 12/27/2012 at 5:54pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

#20403715
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33916) - you deserved it (3962)

On 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by crazy mother in law (woman) -

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

#20410599
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16134) - you deserved it (5465)

On 12/21/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Insane Guy (man) - United States

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

#20421301
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20188) - you deserved it (2118)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

#20415555
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29083) - you deserved it (7368)

On 12/23/2012 at 3:24am - animals - by Kate (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

#20407705
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16365) - you deserved it (12287)

On 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm - health - by Crusty -

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

#20419656
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24648) - you deserved it (2218)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32583) - you deserved it (2148)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

#20409563
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30262) - you deserved it (5858)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

#20411354
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22870) - you deserved it (5931)

On 12/21/2012 at 12:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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