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Thursday 20 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

#20426821
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36658) - you deserved it (26732)

On 12/27/2012 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by ohman (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

#20408309
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38172) - you deserved it (2952)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:55am - health - by antiqued - United States (California)

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

#20407793
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33624) - you deserved it (4105)

On 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17035) - you deserved it (38463)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

#20419133
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35848) - you deserved it (3617)

On 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Chanman1924 - United States

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

#20412240
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45789) - you deserved it (8647)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

#20411354
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36324) - you deserved it (9729)

On 12/21/2012 at 12:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

#20423881
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44826) - you deserved it (5245)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

#20424687
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38111) - you deserved it (3056)

On 12/26/2012 at 11:03pm - misc - by hborkowski (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

#20423285
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47634) - you deserved it (3702)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:32am - love - by Jolene - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

#20403715
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44320) - you deserved it (4846)

On 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by crazy mother in law (woman) -

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

#20409563
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38745) - you deserved it (6846)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

#20415890
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17845) - you deserved it (49469)

On 12/23/2012 at 10:02am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia



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