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Thursday 20 December 2012

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Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

by jsmills92 / 12/20/2012 at 7:26pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

by Syd / 12/21/2012 at 11:00am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

by Jolene / 12/26/2012 at 9:32am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

by Sarah / 12/17/2012 at 7:25am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dad's favourite position. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2012 at 6:15am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

by orgasmicriding / 12/22/2012 at 5:55pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and "do it like deer". FML

by Kasey Eames / 12/23/2012 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2012 at 5:54pm / Australia / Health

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Work

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

by Chanman1924 / 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2012 at 12:24pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy