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Monday 17 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

#20419819
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79972) - you deserved it (24552)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48463) - you deserved it (10112)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

#20405613
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10883) - you deserved it (57638)

On 12/18/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by junkie (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55402) - you deserved it (9853)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

#20414731
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37907) - you deserved it (3073)

On 12/22/2012 at 9:33pm - love - by Brittany (woman) - United States

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

#20414233
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25532) - you deserved it (7058)

On 12/22/2012 at 5:19pm - misc - by seriously? (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

#20405129
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15623) - you deserved it (25346)

On 12/18/2012 at 2:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML

#20405524
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56387) - you deserved it (3820)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by daughterinlaw (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

#20412112
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28579) - you deserved it (6906)

On 12/21/2012 at 7:11pm - money - by futuregigolo (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30578) - you deserved it (7993)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

#20416192
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40621) - you deserved it (11878)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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