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Sunday 16 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32026) - you deserved it (8179)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10843) - you deserved it (74485)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML

#20200383
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23100) - you deserved it (1809)

On 12/11/2012 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

#20408586
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36939) - you deserved it (8639)

On 12/20/2012 at 6:19am - misc - by doblex (man) - United States

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

#20411951
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25306) - you deserved it (5766)

On 12/21/2012 at 5:41pm - health - by fucking fuck it fucking hurts (woman) - United States

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

#20414355
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35416) - you deserved it (5568)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:29pm - kids - by Jane (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

#20416717
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37743) - you deserved it (5782)

On 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm - kids - by still had to pay (man) - Australia

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

#20199980
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27058) - you deserved it (5332)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Devil (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

#20399412
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6040) - you deserved it (72776)

On 12/14/2012 at 2:19pm - misc - by fuckmyassimcold (man) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML

#20403784
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38649) - you deserved it (3647)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

#20408274
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39889) - you deserved it (14290)

On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

#20398872
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34857) - you deserved it (2922)

On 12/14/2012 at 1:40am - health - by bloodyfreakinawful - United States (Texas)



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