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Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML
Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML
Friday 28 August 2015