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Sunday 9 December 2012

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Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 12:49am / United States / Animals

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

by oh gee, you don't say / 12/15/2012 at 1:43pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

by Banana / 12/04/2012 at 11:04am / Puerto Rico / Transportation

Today, I dutifully attended my husband's local gig at a coffee shop. I thus found out, through song, about my husband's affair, in front of about 100 people. All of whom we both know. FML

by leannez / 12/05/2012 at 12:35am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 5:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

by First Kiss / 12/07/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

by whaleninjapoop / 12/06/2012 at 3:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

by Alec / 12/10/2012 at 2:01am / United States / Transportation

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

by Katie / 12/13/2012 at 1:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

by JessThompson / 12/05/2012 at 11:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was on a crowded bus when the woman behind me vomited. The guy next to her was a sympathy puker. So were 3 other people. There was no room to escape. FML

by MiscHats / 12/14/2012 at 7:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML

by ghost? / 12/16/2012 at 3:31am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

by whitecollar / 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work