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Sunday 9 December 2012

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Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

by karmamaybe / 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

by sucks at sucking / 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Intimacy

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

by bieberslayer / 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm / United States / Geek

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

by mandybar15 / 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

by Rhine / 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement over the pronunciation of the word "train." It turned into a heated debate that lasted all night and ended with us sleeping in separate rooms. FML

by superminty / 12/04/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

by ouch. / 12/08/2012 at 5:44am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love

Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML

by AboutToGoKillBillOnSomeone / 12/13/2012 at 9:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

by Vassy / 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

by Devil / 12/11/2012 at 1:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

by bloodyfreakinawful / 12/14/2012 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Health