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Friday 30 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

#20186136
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21050) - you deserved it (1927)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:59am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

#20181084
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12867) - you deserved it (3354)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:35am - love - by ToxxicAngel (woman) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

#20190789
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22044) - you deserved it (4363)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:04am - misc - by Banana (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16227) - you deserved it (2449)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

#20193447
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13164) - you deserved it (3652)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:24am - misc - by whaleninjapoop - United States (North Carolina)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23648) - you deserved it (1931)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

#20188746
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16325) - you deserved it (1478)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

#20193017
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16531) - you deserved it (1427)

On 12/05/2012 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me, and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

#20195284
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15865) - you deserved it (1777)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20952) - you deserved it (944)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

#20192452
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17166) - you deserved it (1845)

On 12/05/2012 at 3:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

#20192265
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13784) - you deserved it (2631)

On 12/05/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by JessThompson - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7777) - you deserved it (16685)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia



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