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Friday 30 November 2012

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Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 5:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

by First Kiss / 12/07/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

by Sam / 12/02/2012 at 9:05am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

by whaleninjapoop / 12/06/2012 at 3:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

by bitch i'm a gerontophile / 11/29/2012 at 1:08pm / Taiwan / Work

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

by JessThompson / 12/05/2012 at 11:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

by ronboy / 11/26/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

by whitecollar / 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 3:05pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

by elizabeth / 11/29/2012 at 3:01am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

by brokenhearted / 12/05/2012 at 6:29am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

by fabs1171 / 11/29/2012 at 12:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

by Matt8 / 12/06/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous