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Friday 30 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

#20193830
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5110) - you deserved it (73672)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm - misc - by mom (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21526) - you deserved it (3712)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

#20186141
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6323) - you deserved it (36714)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Chuffy - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

#20182095
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18774) - you deserved it (4291)

On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

#20186953
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22379) - you deserved it (4081)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by time to put you down, gran (woman) - United States

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

#20181219
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20415) - you deserved it (6584)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by unknown - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20402) - you deserved it (7851)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36215) - you deserved it (3396)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

#20184990
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (1386)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30am - health - by Atletic - United States (New York)

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same song. FML

#20183806
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20304) - you deserved it (3913)

On 11/29/2012 at 9:22am - kids - by Dave (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

#20181186
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25004) - you deserved it (5014)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:05pm - work - by bored - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30715) - you deserved it (3793)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)



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