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Tuesday 27 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

#20186136
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21048) - you deserved it (1926)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:59am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

#20181084
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12871) - you deserved it (3354)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:35am - love - by ToxxicAngel (woman) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

#20190789
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22040) - you deserved it (4363)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:04am - misc - by Banana (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16223) - you deserved it (2449)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23641) - you deserved it (1930)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

#20188746
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16324) - you deserved it (1478)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20950) - you deserved it (944)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7779) - you deserved it (16676)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5621) - you deserved it (17538) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

#20184636
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24518) - you deserved it (6481)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by lizzard0416 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9490) - you deserved it (19099)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML

#20181556
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13550) - you deserved it (932)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:46pm - work - by ohgodwhy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

#20190801
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13374) - you deserved it (1655)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)



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