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Saturday 24 November 2012

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Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

by toritoratora / 11/26/2012 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

by Tymer / 11/23/2012 at 10:56am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

by faen / 11/29/2012 at 4:12pm / Norway (Sogn og Fjordane) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

by anon / 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

by Clementine / 11/27/2012 at 6:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck / 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits / 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

by lobstercola / 11/24/2012 at 11:35am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

by Chuffy / 12/01/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love