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Saturday 24 November 2012

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Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

by vanillatwilight2 / 11/20/2012 at 11:50pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

by toritoratora / 11/26/2012 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

by Jo / 11/21/2012 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

by faen / 11/29/2012 at 4:12pm / Norway (Sogn og Fjordane) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

by anon / 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck / 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

by Clementine / 11/27/2012 at 6:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

by Gus / 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

by lobstercola / 11/24/2012 at 11:35am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

by Chuffy / 12/01/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous