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Friday 16 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

#20172481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28921) - you deserved it (6090)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

#20165046
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24527) - you deserved it (3166)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by grocerystalker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43233) - you deserved it (3066)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

#20165792
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (1818)

On 11/16/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

#20161445
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (2251)

On 11/13/2012 at 1:49am - work - by ConstructionLady (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

#20162223
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8909) - you deserved it (33561)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Z - Australia

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10719) - you deserved it (47307)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

#20163953
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (3067)

On 11/15/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by WentInABush (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27953) - you deserved it (3287)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, someone stole my iPhone. I used the Find My iPhone app, and located it in the apartment building next to mine. I can hear the ringing sound I've activated, but nobody will answer the door. FML

#20163099
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25896) - you deserved it (1896)

On 11/14/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

#20171869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25154) - you deserved it (3760)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:42am - misc - by Jo - United States (California)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13514) - you deserved it (26729)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States



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