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Sunday 11 November 2012

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Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

by Shauna / 11/10/2012 at 4:02am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

by besviken / 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

by grocerystalker / 11/16/2012 at 12:58am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 7:13am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

by notalovestory / 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

by Heather / 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

by Helen / 11/10/2012 at 5:15am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

by ConstructionLady / 11/13/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work