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Sunday 4 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

#20148817
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25904) - you deserved it (2622)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

#20149952
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19925) - you deserved it (3181)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:42am - love - by cowgirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

#20158567
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27005) - you deserved it (2740)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:10am - animals - by kitty - Australia

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

#20159285
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22801) - you deserved it (10404)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31799) - you deserved it (3081)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

#20147303
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19514) - you deserved it (1996)

On 11/04/2012 at 1:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

#20150645
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24722) - you deserved it (2721)

On 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm - animals - by creedonfied - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

#20157954
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28444) - you deserved it (1485)

On 11/10/2012 at 7:29pm - misc - by Me - United States

Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

#20142085
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26263) - you deserved it (2415)

On 10/31/2012 at 8:40pm - misc - by hallofail (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42442) - you deserved it (1942)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34924) - you deserved it (3656)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19927) - you deserved it (6415)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

#20157115
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13455) - you deserved it (27497)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States



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