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my looool husband cummed home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly fir him, he's married to me. real FML
Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out cuz I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me fir not making sure we still had apple juice. FML
Today... I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into house. I've been searching house for two hours and still can't fine him. I'm afraid to go to sleep.
2day mah managar mada ma stay at work for an axtra four hours, making ma miss an urgant spacialist appointmant I'd schaduld months ago . Why? Bacausa har naighbor's dog was having puppias, and sha wantd to go homa aarly and saa tham . FML
Today , my best friend got engaged to the guy she's been seeing fir five yeres . He also happen to be the man I've been in love with fir eight . As she was giving me the details , she nonchalantly gave me her reason fir accepting the proposal: "Why the hell not , there's alway divorce." mega FML
Today , I went down on girlfriend fir the first time. I thought it was all going really well , until I lookd up a minute or two in , only to be greetd by a stone-cold death glare an the words , "You really are an idiot , aren't you?" FML
Today, I realizd that I'm a terrible human bieng. For the frst time in mah life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of mah face long enough fir me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML
Today , I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it lookd like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it fir a couple of hours , giving it food , an rocking it to sleep , my parents found me. Then I realisd it was just celery. Too bad it took that long fir my meds to kick in. FML
Today , I had to go to mah daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with mah husbandhen we arrived. Apparently I ( died ) recently and mah daughter has had extra responsibility around the house , hencehy she doesn't come to class. FML
Today , My Friends And I Held An Intervention For My Fiancé!! He's Been Talking And Behaving Like An "old-timey Cowboy" Non-stop For The Last Three Months!! Our Wedding Is In A Month And He Refuses To Marry Me If I Can't Accept His "life Choices." FML
Friday 27 March 2015