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Saturday 3 November 2012

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Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

by screwed / 11/04/2012 at 4:55am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

by i fking love docb / 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Love

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Love

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2012 at 10:10pm / Canada / Money

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:48am / France (Picardie) / Love

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

by baby, baby no / 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

by john r.t. / 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

by hiccups / 11/03/2012 at 11:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

by for fuck sake dad / 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

by Owen / 11/07/2012 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

by le_evan / 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

by ananymous / 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids