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Tuesday 30 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

#20144826
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32006) - you deserved it (3258)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34445) - you deserved it (6387)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31130) - you deserved it (3452)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12095) - you deserved it (44537)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

#20141607
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23022) - you deserved it (4353)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:09pm - animals - by NotSpiderman (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12098) - you deserved it (76107)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

#20144510
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34518) - you deserved it (8059)

On 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

#20142623
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47702) - you deserved it (1948)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

#20143873
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31976) - you deserved it (4885)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:17am - love - by 123alleyesonme - United States (Texas)

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

#20148817
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26784) - you deserved it (2693)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30260) - you deserved it (2877)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36817) - you deserved it (2658)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong" player. FML

#20146654
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29155) - you deserved it (3344)

On 11/04/2012 at 1:30am - kids - by PleaseDontBeSerious - Canada



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