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Tuesday 30 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

#20144826
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30501) - you deserved it (3115)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10475) - you deserved it (70620)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

#20146867
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33594) - you deserved it (5072)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:55am - intimacy - by screwed - United States

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35028) - you deserved it (2517)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29927) - you deserved it (3328)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27256) - you deserved it (2517)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10360) - you deserved it (40882)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

#20141607
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20449) - you deserved it (3999)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:09pm - animals - by NotSpiderman (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

#20142623
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45678) - you deserved it (1832)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

#20138384
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30488) - you deserved it (1987)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:03am - misc - by StormSeason (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26762) - you deserved it (2552)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

#20143160
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16042) - you deserved it (7958)

On 11/01/2012 at 5:18pm - misc - by ThisisMedSchool - United States (Tennessee)

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

#20148817
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24433) - you deserved it (2476)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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