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Saturday 27 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23689) - you deserved it (5202)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26308) - you deserved it (14349)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my mom decided to wake me up by pouring ice cold water on my face. Again. FML

#20136629
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19284) - you deserved it (3831)

On 10/28/2012 at 6:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

#20138973
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26165) - you deserved it (2345)

On 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm - animals - by With_Love929 - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29281) - you deserved it (2826)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

#20135712
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24579) - you deserved it (1822)

On 10/27/2012 at 4:04pm - misc - by left4dead (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

#20145539
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8989) - you deserved it (31098)

On 11/03/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a walk with a girl I really like. Trying to impress her, I mentioned I'd just learned how to do a front flip, and she told me to prove it. I did the flip, but stumbled forward on the landing and smacked head-first into a pole. She's still laughing. FML

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

#20145916
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25274) - you deserved it (5221)

On 11/03/2012 at 3:42pm - health - by WeddingWoes (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26046) - you deserved it (3483)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

#20127937
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23422) - you deserved it (1597)

On 10/22/2012 at 5:01am - love - by reserved - United States (California)

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

#20133698
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26340) - you deserved it (2103)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:38am - kids - by familyofpsychos - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

#20142085
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26257) - you deserved it (2413)

On 10/31/2012 at 8:40pm - misc - by hallofail (man) - United States (Alabama)



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