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March 2013

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Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

#20568124
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47921) - you deserved it (4926)

On 03/31/2013 at 9:32am - kids - by The_Black_Jesus - United States

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

#20557646
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33796) - you deserved it (13737)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

#20545430
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17392) - you deserved it (61211) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Centre)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33229) - you deserved it (51111) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44169) - you deserved it (6422)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

#20565460
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47750) - you deserved it (16044)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23750) - you deserved it (47624)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

#20559101
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35034) - you deserved it (6008)

On 03/25/2013 at 4:48am - money - by PrayingForMoney - United States (California)

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

#20567111
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37808) - you deserved it (14704)

On 03/30/2013 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

#20564455
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42511) - you deserved it (17935)

On 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

#20561915
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40040) - you deserved it (18234)

On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45511) - you deserved it (6891)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

#20531170
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53005) - you deserved it (6258)

On 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by Thankshun (woman) - United States



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