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February 2013

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Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31195) - you deserved it (3552)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

#20488553
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32459) - you deserved it (2225)

On 02/01/2013 at 1:09am - animals - by Angry Mob - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

#20489863
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26535) - you deserved it (6295)

On 02/02/2013 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

#20515174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35921) - you deserved it (5032)

On 02/20/2013 at 5:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28551) - you deserved it (9108)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27896) - you deserved it (7776)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

#20520149
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28276) - you deserved it (5196)

On 02/24/2013 at 12:36pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

#20516248
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35668) - you deserved it (2523)

On 02/21/2013 at 1:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33922) - you deserved it (3229)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the homeless people I give change to all dress better than I do, including the one that doesn't believe in pants. FML

#20522911
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15186) - you deserved it (24116)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:54am - misc - by keerow (man) - United States

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

#20525305
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28860) - you deserved it (13477)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:19am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

#20500469
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33577) - you deserved it (2072)

On 02/10/2013 at 1:08am - money - by fireenginemad - United States (Washington)

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

#20489830
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (5836)

On 02/02/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by merp. (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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