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January 2013

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Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

by asthmattack / 01/25/2013 at 1:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 12:04pm / United States / Love

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

by imwithapples22 / 01/29/2013 at 11:39am / United States / Work

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

by troll of a gran / 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost to the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

by tired / 01/16/2013 at 2:02pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

by frustrated / 01/22/2013 at 2:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

by lonely dreams / 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML

by moronforadad / 01/04/2013 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

by PeeFlavouredFloss / 01/13/2013 at 10:36pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 1:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 10:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous