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November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18104) - you deserved it (42485)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
278 comments

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26937) - you deserved it (15705)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

#20176354
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36884) - you deserved it (11658)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:54am - intimacy - by ladylol (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

#20178502
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14321) - you deserved it (27608)

On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

#20167023
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15718) - you deserved it (24452)

On 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm - kids - by susan (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11590) - you deserved it (27472)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20456) - you deserved it (27201)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49597) - you deserved it (6264)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31067) - you deserved it (2106)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

#20165330
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you deserved it (3698)

On 11/16/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Gangnam (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

#20173702
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28151) - you deserved it (5910)

On 11/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by but I tried anal and everything (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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