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November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18557) - you deserved it (3428)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

#20183959
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20812) - you deserved it (1272)

On 11/29/2012 at 1:08pm - work - by bitch i'm a gerontophile (man) - Taiwan

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

#20148447
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21840) - you deserved it (2692)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:02am - love - by sad (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13405) - you deserved it (974)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

#20164794
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21421) - you deserved it (2518)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by needanewride - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15928) - you deserved it (1422)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

#20184990
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23288) - you deserved it (1264)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30am - health - by Atletic - United States (New York)

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

#20144316
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20777) - you deserved it (5162)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:35pm - love - by lilithfaye (woman) - United States

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, this really big woman asked me for some cigarettes. I didn't have any, which made her angry. Angry enough to pick me up, stuff me in a dumpster, and sit on the lid. I still smell like garbage. FML

#20183027
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19895) - you deserved it (1337)

On 11/28/2012 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

#20176033
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24131) - you deserved it (1668)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML



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